Miss Vy Vacious

The strip was quiet that night. There were a few people on the corner of Fifth and Main, but they were walking in the opposite direction of the Moby Dick Inn.

Otto Katzenberger sat in his car across the street. He was expected to go on stage in about a half hour. It was the first time he had ever performed at a drag club in the United States, and he didn’t know what to expect.

He had arrived from Germany two weeks before, knowing no one. By chance, he had met a couple of guys who suggested that he audition at the Moby Dick, and he got the gig!

As Otto waited in the car, he tried to calm his nerves. He practiced deep-breathing exercises and thought about the life he left behind.

He remembered his father shouting, “Was habe ich falsch gemacht?” (“Where did I go wrong?”)

He remembered his mother whispering, “Du wurdest so geboren, mein Sohn.” (“You were born this way, my son.”)

When his mother noticed him wearing her clothes, her face lit up with love as she said, “Du siehst wunderschön aus!” (“You look beautiful!”)

Now, in the car, Otto thought about his act. He looked at his costume, which was folded neatly on the car seat, and his makeup, including the longest false eyelashes he had ever owned and his trademark cigarette holder.

He was ready.

Otto slowly opened the car door and stepped out. He was wearing flat, comfortable shoes. Actually, he never got the hang of wearing heels. If he wore them for too long, painful blisters would form, and he couldn’t walk very well—particularly on stage. He always changed his shoes right before showtime.

He carefully crossed the street, arms full of clothes and everything else he needed, and walked toward the Moby Dick Inn.

He had practiced his English every night before coming to America, and he was able to communicate quite well.

As he opened the bar’s front door, he put on his best smile and shouted, “Hello! I’m here!”

The proprietor turned to see who was talking to him. When he saw Otto, he seemed puzzled.

“And you are …?”

“Miss Vy Vacious from Germany!”

“Ah, yes. Please come in. Your dressing room is in the back.”

Otto walked down the dark, dank hallway and saw a sign on a door: “THE TALENT.”

He giggled, “Ich schätze, das bin ich!” (“I guess that’s me!”)

In the dressing room, he sat down at the makeshift vanity and looked in the cracked mirror for several minutes.

With his makeup splayed on the table, Otto began to create the image of what he had always wanted to look like. It was a tedious job, but he loved every minute of the process.

When he was done, he stared at his face and said to no one in particular, “Ich sehe wunderschön aus!” (“I look beautiful!”)

And Miss Vy Vacious surely did.

From Carpet Creatures: Tales from the Deep Pile (Catalog #22-9)

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